Sears

Allow me to regale you in the story of my interaction with the company known as Sears. This is not a happy tale; if fact, it borders on inciting rage just thinking about the facts before I type them down.
We moved. Our brand new home was just completed and we were in desperate need for appliances. One of those acquired was a refrigerator. The only fancy features were a freezer on the bottom and one of those water/ice dispenser contraptions. It was very highly rated on the Sears website. I will, henceforth, take all high ratings from Sears with a 3 foot cubed block of salt.
Firstly, the device was delivered and professionally installed. We were told to leave the doors closed for the first 24 hours to allow for proper cooling. Twenty-four hours later, the 200 pound block of plastic was still the same temperature as it was when it first got plugged in. So, I called the Sears Support person who told me I would have to wait 5 days until a repairman would come to work on it. I was also given the option for an installation technician to come that same day, but as I would rather have a stranger enter my home who could actually fix the thing and not just tell me it needed fixing, I chose to wait. Five days of having to eat at restaurants and our old food going bad later, the repairman arrives.
The diagnosis: Broken Beyond Home Repair.
Naturally, the Sears Support Team was overwhelmingly ready to come to my assistance and tell me that they would have to call me back once they've found a solution.
The solution came in the form of a computer voiced phone-call telling me that Sears would deliver another fridge the next day (Friday), within a 4 hour window that couldn't have been more inconvenient. I pressed the number to reschedule and waited, listening to Sears Brand Muzak. The woman who answered read off her script, which I was now mouthing silently to myself, and then told me that it was my fault for scheduling the delivery for a time no one would be present. I then thanked her for accusing me of something I had no control of in the first place and made it clear that I'd had enough with the Sears Customer Service paradigm. She hung up.
Still with no fridge, I placed another call to the actual store where the first piece of rubbish came from and gave the entire story to the manager. I then discovered that he, like myself, was completely powerless to help anyone with this problem. You see, beyond the store, Sears exists in the ether; and entities in the ether don't care one drop of muskrat urine about yours and my feelings, lives, obligations, or pains.
Later that day, the computer call rings me again, and it tells me to ready myself for a Saturday AM delivery (this is Thursday, mind you). With a little shuffling, Saturday will work. Of course, on Friday morning, I get another computer calling to tell me there is a problem with the Saturday delivery and rapidly tells me the phone number that I have to call. Fortunately, I carry a pen and paper. I call the delivery people, who tell me Saturday is a no-go, and it's gonna have to be Sunday. I ask for the complaint department; oh, I'm sorry, Customer Solutions.
I tell the entire story to the first person, who puts me on hold so long that a second person picks up. The first person was probably in another state so the second person is unable to connect me and I have to repeat the entire story again to the second person. She tells me that I'm stuck with Sunday. I then proceed to explain the logical problem that my mind was wrestling with; how could the refrigerator that was scheduled to be at my home on Friday, all of the sudden be unavailable until Sunday? I was not shocked by her lack of insight into this metaphysical conundrum. As she's telling me my options, the code blue alarm goes off and I tell her to rush with the phone number to call back. In my haste, I copied the wrong number, but did discover a 1-800 line for Male/Female Mature Dating.
I call the first support number again, explained to the scripted, polite individual that he couldn't help me if his life depended on it, and requested the Costumer Solutions number again.
This time, I finally got the person we all wish we could have on the other end of the line. This woman knew who to call, did it quickly, and promptly came back to me with options. Unfortunately, they all ended the same with a Sunday delivery. She gave me a 75 dollar gift card and apologized deeply.
It's now Tuesday, I have a fridge that works and I haven't eaten out since Sunday. Life is back to normal. Just don't get me started on Time-Warner Cable.

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